My heart goes out to farmer Mr. Gary Newburn who is fighting desperately to save his poor cows from the clutches of the dreaded Defra gestapo, but he might perhaps take some little comfort from the knowledge that not only is Defra definitely as loony as he thinks they are, but hes doing his bit to help global warming too.
Why? On radio 4 this morning Defra threw its hat into the the global warming ring by announcing that we should all consider becoming vegan to lower our CO2 emissions! Think I'm joking? I'm not. Not even I could make this up! It seems that as domestic farm animals apparently emit more methane than the whole of the world's vehicle fleet, we should consider not eating meat in order to lower the farm animal population! And these are the people who promote farming?
It confirms my wife's long held theory (which I have often scoffed at!) that there is a high level vegan conspiracy to ban meat in the UK. Cue meat health warnings, bans on eating burgers in public places 'Britain goes meat free' etc. etc.
But going down this road opens a very wicked can of worms.(or is it frankfurters?). If the worlds animal population is producing so many naughty emissions, how much of the stuff must be emanating from the anal sphincters of the human population? There are more of us than any other animal. Surely the way forward is to reduce our numbers? This would fall in line with current globallollogy, and provide a satisfactory riposte to the 'inconvenient truth' that in the forties and fifties we went through a period of bitterly cold climate. Now we know why. So many people died in both World Wars that the population drop reduced the CO2 and cooled the climate! Simple!
But perhaps they already know this. Could it be that the west's signal failure to address genocide in places like Rwanda and Sudan is part of a hidden agenda to reduce global warming by ignoring anything which reduces third world populations? Wars, pestilence, famine? All good stuff!! Britain could do its bit by encouraging mass suicide .'jump off a cliff for Britain', Sponsored parachuteless jumps for charity, mobile voluntary euthanasia units in town centres! We could get rid of anyone who produces lots of gas, like the elderly and all politicians. Bwitain will show the way!
As I write my daughter's rabbit has crawled under the fence and is chomping his way through my neighbour's bedding plants! Does he know something I don't?
Jim Jarratt
ed. note. misspellings intended!
