Tourist Town

In tourist town this morning, there's nothing I can see,

But a famous name on a hundred graves

And old ladies drinking tea.

(Drinking Tetley's Tea)

Would you like to buy a poet's old sock

To take back to the states?

Or souvenir Lakeland knickers?

It helps to pay the rates.

(Gas and water rates)

In tourist town this morning the traffic rumbles through,

Old ladies with their pennies,

Queue up outside the loo.

(after a gin or two)

With polished boots that ne'er saw mud, the 'hikers' come and go,

Manly calves and duvets

In an endless fashion show.

(Where lonely clouds doth go)

In tourist town this morning, even the birds are on the make,

If you turn your head a moment

They'll fly off with your cream cake!

(Everyone's on the take!)

Flies and worms and maggots are beneath their dignity

Observe the mass of feathers that is smothering your tea!

(Pecking at your knee!)

In tourist town this morning the sun slants though the trees,

The girl with the plum mouthed accent

Shows off her bourgeois knees.

(So everybody sees)

There's tea and buns and mint cake

But not a chip in sight;

There's so much 'culture' everywhere

I'd best stay out of sight!!

(I'd best stay out of sight!)

In tourist town this morning, the licking of wounds is done,

The black stone hangs around my neck,

A still voice whispers 'come'.

Across the throbbing tarmac, to a bubbling mountain stream,

In tourist town this evening there's the memory of a dream....